WRITING: Crooked Smile

PERFECTLY IMPERFECT?

"Say cheese!"

"Hey! Let's take a picture?"

"Poniso, join our picture."

"Let's have family pictures taken."

Four phrases heard almost every day. Funny enough, many aren't filled with dread upon hearing these words. For people like myself, the utterance of these phrases brings about an uneasiness. Let's go back to 2004 to when my story begins.

A fifth grader with a mouth full of one too many baby teeth. My story begins with a "lump" growing right above my upper-left canine. Not too long after, the same happens on the right side of my mouth. That, my friends, was the start of my photo phobia.

Fast forward a few years later, my teeth are now fully developed and I have two misplaced canines and two misaligned incisors. Talk about a blow to my self esteem. Sometime in 2012, I got my first set of braces. I had those on for about three months. Basically, they were more or less like retainers in the sense that they weren't permanent and had to be removed when eating and brushing. Nevertheless, I was delighted with the development- I was one step closer to "fixing" myself. Shortly, I went to get another pair which I had on for about six to nine months. Again, I didn't mind having to wear them because my journey to perfect teeth had just begun.

My nightmare begun after having snapped one of wires in my braces. My visit to the orthodontist revealed to me that my journey to dental perfection had just begun. Turns out I needed yet another set seeing as the ones I had on already had done their job and were no longer needed. After a consultation, I came back to have my braces taken out a few days later. There I was, back to square one. Would my nightmare end?

Of late I have taken the more positive approach. Hard as it may be, I try to look passed my flaws. Trust me, it easy to look at yourself in the mirror and see something that you so  badly want to fix but can't seem to at the moment. But hey, let's just call it my trademark ;) I think the bigger picture here is first me embracing myself. I think only then will I find satisfaction.

"You keep falling victim cause you're insecure.And when I tell you that you're beautiful you can't be sure"

*Crooked Smile- J. Cole ft TLC (lyrics video) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eCxaXqwRhvw

WRITING: Beautiful Yet Dysfunctional

Of late my posts have taken a more thought provoking approach. To be honest, I don't know what encouraged this trail of thought. However, that's not to say I don't like it. Saying otherwise would be an absolute lie. Am I a blogger? Yes. Do I like to write? I do but only occasionally. Odd, isn't it? I'd say I blog when I feel the need to. You know, like when I have a pressing thought that I just can't let go. You may or may not have noticed that I wander in circles in my writing until I finally get down to the main point. Let's just call that "organised disorganisation" as my high school teacher would say. None of my work is pre-written so I write as it comes. Basically, I just go with the flow.

With all of that said, I'll get right into today's post. Have you ever been in love? I have and only once. My goodness, it was a whole other experience for me. In all honesty, never have I felt this way before. According to wikipedia, 

"Love refers to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes that ranges from interpersonal affection ("I love my mother") to pleasure ("I loved that meal"). It can refer to an emotion of a strong attraction and personal attachment.^[1] It can also be a virtue representing human kindness, compassion, and affection—"the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another".^[2] It may also describe compassionate and affectionate actions towards other humans, one's self or animals"

How do you define love? For me, I honestly don't know. What I do know is that I happen to agree that love is "an emotion of a strong attraction and personal attachment."  If you feel no attraction or attachment, I think it's say it's not love. It could be a crush of some sort or infatuation at the most.

Love, love, love. What prompted this post you say? Well, I just so happen to be in love myself. I fell in love and I fell hard. Ha! It's quite silly actually. To start off, I'm not quite the expressive type. In fact, I'm far from it. So you can imagine the difficulty I have with expression of my emotions. It's terrible but I think it's safe to say I've made a few strides towards improvement. 

I'm still going on with this post and I'm quite uncertain as to where it's going. Nevertheless, I shall continue with my ramblings. I had a blog prior to this one but later deleted it. I'd say it was more of a personal blog and I couldn't cope anymore. As typical of people such as myself, I deleted it and continued to live with my thoughts tucked snugly some where inside my head. I should think this is my most personal post here.

I was seventeen when I first fell in love. Two years later, I'm still in the same boat. Many times I wonder just how it happened. Honestly, this thing called love is crazy. You don't know with who or when it will happen. Ahhh!! I'm tired. This girl over here needs a break.

It's quite a funny predicament I'm in. Truth be told, it's slightly amusing at times. Alas! Such is life; you never really know when it will throw you the curve ball. 

WRITING: Introvert

The trait of extraversion–introversion is a central dimension of human personality theories.

Hello. My name is Poniso and I'm an introvert.

There's a post I read on introverts which I would like to share with you today. We all have misconceptions about things and people. Often times these misconceptions go uncorrected. To be honest, I think that's a shame. This here post is going to do just that; clear your misconceptions. In this case, the ones you have about myself and my fellow introverts.

Funny enough, I always had a hard time describing myself in a nutshell. Eventually, my description of me was "reserved". I didn't like it. I knew there was more to me than simply being reserved. Eventually, I came across the term introvert. After looking it up and reading up on it, I feel like this is much better suited for me.

Thing is, I like some "me time" but then again I do desire to be with a crowd every so often. After all, I am human. We all need somebody. Despite this, there are times when I just want to be on my own. I'm not a loner, no. I just happen to enjoy my own company. You throw in a good novel and I'm good to go. That's actually one misconception people have. Just because I happen to find gratification in my own company does not make me a loner. Like I said, I do enjoy being a part of something, having people around, having a good laugh and letting loose but eventually I feel need to get back to myself. Just because you do not understand it does not mean there is something wrong.



Here's a little something I got off about.com. Please do take time to read this.

Introvert

By Carol Bainbridge

Definition: Contrary to what most people think, an introvert is not simply a person who is shy. In fact, being shy has little to do with being an introvert! Shyness has an element of apprehension, nervousness and anxiety, and while an introvert may also be shy, introversion itself is not shyness. Basically, an introvert is a person who is energised by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people.

Introverts are more concerned with the inner world of the mind. They enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings. They often avoid social situations because being around people drains their energy. This is true even if they have good social skills. After being with people for any length of time, such as at a party, they need time alone to "recharge."

When introverts want to be alone, it is not, by itself, a sign of depression. It means that they either need to regain their energy from being around people or that they simply want the time to be with their own thoughts. Being with people, even people they like and are comfortable with, can prevent them from their desire to be quietly introspective.

Being introspective, though, does not mean that an introvert never has conversations. However, those conversations are generally about ideas and concepts, not about what they consider the trivial matters of social small talk.

Introverts make up about 60% of the gifted population but only about 25-40% of the generalpopulation.

WRITING: I'm Going To Be Qouted

Dream, dreaming and dreamt/dreamed. Same word, difference tenses. Martin Luther King Jr. once said, "I have a dream." Note the use of the word HAVE and not HAD. 

I too have a dream. I want to be quoted. That's right, I want somebody to say my words, have me quoted in publications and even during conversations. Funny dream, isn't it. I'm sure many of you weren't expecting that.

Lupita Nyong'o
2014 Oscars Best Supporting Actress

Thing is, I want to leave something behind. I want when my name is searched on google, more than my Facebook profile appears. No. I'm having none of that. I don't know when or where I'll be quoted but I know it will happen and when it does, it will only be the first of many times to come.

I like to read it sadly I haven't done a lot of it in the past two years. My favourite author is Sidney Sheldon, he's amazing. Anyway, in the Other Side Of Me, he makes reference to standing out from the crowd. I can't give a direct quotation but if memory serves me right, he said something about standing out from everyone else. He wanted to have his legacy and not die as a nobody. He spoke it and that's exactly what he got, his legacy. What's to stop me from getting mine?

"Those who dreamed achieved."

I dreamt, I still am dreaming and hopefully I will have achieved in the not too distant future.

WRITING: Sunday Funday

Happy Sunday everyone. Today I'll just share with you yet another set of pictures I got off the net, which happen to be hilarious. So relax, sit back and enjoy comic relief from our beloved friend, The Internet.

WRITING: The Candy Crush Struggle

Hello there. Any Candy Crushers out there? I'm a crusher myself :) I'd say I was introduced to the game last summer around June-July. I was hooked just after a few games.

I'm currently on level 242. Maybe I'll pass it by the time this post is published. I'm writing this on my bed at four in the morning. Sleep has failed me and I'm waiting on my next life....the struggle.

Today, I'd like to share with you my Candy Crush story. Did you know that you can cheat your way to getting lives without waiting? It's easy actually. All you have to do is adjust the time on your device and voila, you have yourself a life without the wait.

I just shared with you a little secret but please do be cautious on how you use it. All in all, Candy Crush had 400 levels. At least that's what I got when I googled "how many levels are in Candy Crush?". I like to think I would have been in the 300s or somewhere closer if I hadn't been cheating.

Thing is, I got hooked in adjusting my time. I'd put my time ahead and get lives without having to go through the wait. I didn't just end there. I did the same with my quests. I don't like to link my game to Facebook because enjoy playing the quests. 

So, one day I just happened to play three quests in a period of about two hours. If you play the game, you'll realise that's crazy. Upon completion of a quest, you have to wait exactly 24 hours before you can play the next one. But no, I was too cool to wait. Sadly, I that time adjusting had gotten to my game. When I opened the app to play it, I found that my game had been restarted. Believe me when I say this, I was so bummed. I can't remember what level I was in at the time though. 

The Candy Crush struggle is real people. My little mishap put me in quite a mood. Imagine, a game got me down! Anyway, that's the past. Now it's time to look forward to the future.

I have told myself that come rain or sunshine, I am going to finish Candy Crush. I'm sure it will take me a while but this is something I don't plan on quiting. I'm an over comer, lol.

WRITING: Are You Living Or Existing?

Look who's back for the third time today, me. Well well well. What do I have up my sleeves this time around? Looking at the title of this post, I'm sure you have an idea of what I'm going to talk about. Just a forewarning, I'll make quite a few references in this post. Okay, let's do this.

How would you define living and existing? For me, I'd say living is enjoying life. It's being a part of something and knowing that you are a part of it. Living is the very thing that hits us right at our core. Existing, however, is quite the opposite. When you exist you are nothing more than an object that occupies space.I mean this with no malice intended but that's just what it is. "Matter is any thing that occupies space and has volume", that's the primary school definition I was given of matter. So when you are not living but merely existing all you are is matter.

Living doesn't necessarily mean doing the impossible. No. Living to me is enjoying life like I said before. It could be on your own or with people preferably with those you love. When you live, you make memories. When you exist, there is nothing to remember. Every day and every minute is another chance to live.

Many times I find myself existing and I do ask myself why? No lie, this holiday has been quite enjoyable for me. I refused to exist. I made memories. Some awesome and some that make me cringe at the though of them but hey! That's all part of living.

Yesterday, I was about to be a kill joy. My friends wanted to go out and that "matter element" got to me. Thank God I eventually did go out with them. We left at around 11 PM and had a "late" dinner then headed off for some drinks. I loved it. I felt free. I was on a high even before taking anything I embraced my inner child and even danced on the street. Yup, you read right I danced on the street.

Me 21/02/2014

In the end, you're going to have to answer yourself. Did you live or simply exist. Years from now you'll look back and wonder what exactly you had done in your younger years. Where are your memories? Where are your stories to tell?